Living with roommates can be an adventure — especially if you end up having feelings for one. It’s hard to control how you feel — sometimes, the heart just wants what it wants!
And if your roommate is feeling the same way about you, you might find yourselves in a sticky living situation. Dating your roommate can be a challenge, but much less so if you follow a few rules.
1. Get on the same page
Talk to your roommate/lover so you’re on the same page. Establish the expectations that each of you has and think about the future. How much time do you expect to spend with each other? Will you sleep in the same bed and how often? What happens when friends come over? What if things end badly between you? Will one of you move out? If so, which one?
It can be a lot to think about, but it’s important to ask yourselves these types of questions to cover all the bases and keep things sailing as smooth as possible.
2. Be respectful of other roommates
If you have other roommates besides the one you’re dating, meet with them and go through their expectations, as well as the expectations you and your partner have set for yourselves. Make sure your other roommates are comfortable with the situation and find out their concerns are and how to address them. Encourage them to be very open about their thoughts and feelings. After all, no one wants to feel uncomfortable in their own home, and it’s important to set boundaries so everyone is happy.
Talking to your roommates may even bring up potential issues you hadn’t anticipated, further helping you to plan for situations that could arise. You may need to write a formal roommate agreement for everyone to feel comfortable and hold you to your word.
3. Spend time apart
Most people will date someone for a while before deciding to move in together, meaning you each still have your own place and likely aren’t together 24/7 at the beginning. But when you’re dating a roommate, it’s like going from zero to 60 in a matter of seconds. You don’t have the same separation of living quarters and time apart from each other.
While it may sound amazing to have your partner so close all the time, it can take a toll when you’re in a new relationship. It’s still good to give each other privacy and be honest about if you’re wanting a little bit of time away from them, whether you’d like to be left alone in your room for a few hours or you’d like to go out with friends.
If you have both decided to sleep in the same bed, it’s still OK to sleep in your own beds when you feel like it. You don’t need to spend every minute together, and it can be nice to have a night or two alone, especially if you’ve been seeing each other all day, every day for a while.
4. Go on dates
Although you already see plenty of each other, you should still get out of the house and go on regular dates. It may be easier to sit inside every night and watch Netflix in your sweats, but going out and being social is still important for any couple.
No matter how long you’ve been together, getting out of your everyday home environment can boost your relationship and help you get some privacy from your other roommates.
5. Have an exit strategy
If you and your partner/roommate decide to end things, you’ll need to figure out what will happen. This is one of the things you should have discussed at the beginning, but if you didn’t, you still have options — and they can depend on the terms for ending the relationship.
If things ended terribly, it’s probably best if one of you moves out. It’s not fair to either of you or your other roommates to have to live with constant tension and hard feelings at home. Keep in mind that moving out may mean that you or your roommate may suddenly need to pack up and spend more money to get into another living arrangement.
If things ended on good terms, it’s OK for you to continue living together, but you’ll need to establish new rules. Both of you will probably start dating other people at some point, so you need to make sure you can both handle yourselves well and not get possessive or jealous when that time comes.
Is dating a roommate worth the risk?
Taking into account all of the above information, keep in mind that dating a roommate is no walk in the park. There are pros and cons, but ultimately, it’s a risk you’ll need to assess before diving in head-first. Although things could end badly, they could also turn out to be really great! It’s up to you to decide if it’s worth taking the risk.
